Dr. Rogstad,

Good afternoon

It would appear as though one or more of the potential mental disorders you diagnosed me as possibly having is starting to affect other people now as well.

https://youtu.be/V6_jCGzR020

Is the whole world going mad now?

I've also been struggling quite a bit since our meeting as I attempt to better understand and come to grips with the fact that you convinced me beyond any reasonable doubt that I'm absolutely not "an engineer" and that the many "perceived" achievements I mentioned to you in our meeting (as a way of providing you with better context) were in fact just very realistic distortions of reality caused by one or more of the many mental deficiencies you were able to so quickly identify me as potentially suffering from. (thanks again for really taking the time and putting in the effort to get to know me so well)

The reason for my 'struggles' however isn't because I'm in any disagreement with you or what you are saying - I know how highly educated you are Dr. Rogstad.... so that is why I'm wondering if you might be able to help me at least identify what it is called when a formerly schizophrenic and delusional person like myself is finally able to turn the corner and become more reality based, truthful, introspective, and accepting of my true and actual reality while at the same time being tempted to return to my old ways due to the fact that I am constantly surrounded by a plethora of evidence which causes me to view my 'delusions' as instead being factual, reality based events that seemed like they were 100% real and actually happened?

For example I just came across this online article in which the following is stated:

"the set piece was engineered and built in-house at XiteLabs studio by creative technologist Matt Guertin. LED tiles from PRG were dismantled into smaller component modules, custom configured and re-wired by Guertin at XiteLabs to create smaller radius circular elements to create the smooth edges of the eye. Guertin designed and engineered 420 metal parts cut out of eight different types of material, as well as 268 individual acrylic pieces from six different materials. The estimated total number of soldering points was in the 2,000 range."

https://plsn.com/articles/video-trends/xitelabs-steps-up-and-out/




As another example of the conflicted version of reality I currently reside in - here is another one which appears to be some kind of technology based company in which I'm actually credited as some sort of "engineer" again.....    I just don't get it. It seems so crazy and unlikely that someone as mentally ill as I am who is completely detached from reality in such a profound way keeps getting mistakenly put into magazines and online publications as a way of showcasing just some of my many 'perceived' achievments - All of them being ones which are so realistic they seem to have persisted ever since I remember imagining them happening?  It is very strange.

"Falcon Design, Fabrication Direction and Engineering:
Matt Guertin"

https://blacktrax.cast-soft.com/showcase/tracking-a-50ft-falcon-with-xitelabs/




And then there's this one which also appears to be more weird computer stuff of some kind but maybe it just looks technical on purpose so they can charge more money? ? Either way it's way over my head and I have no clue who is doing this or what their reasoning would be for continuing to fraudulently post articles about me in an attempt to make me look good and trick people into believing I actually might be as intelligent as I claimed during our meeting.

"Matt Guertin - Touch Designer system design"

https://www.disguise.one/en/insights/case-studies/la-philharmonic/



One of these weird technical/software websites even put me on the front page of their website in 2014 supposedly..? How the heck can that be true?? It just sounds so crazy...delusional even

"It is with great enthusiasm that we publish Matt Guertin's chronicle on the building of his ever-expanding project which will not be finished for some time if our last email exchange concerning the release of Oculus Rift's second developer kit is an indicator of things to come."

https://derivative.ca/community-post/matt-guertins-epic-never-ending-oculus-rift-kinect-touchdesigner-3d-project/60736


Apparently this weird 'Touchdesigner' software was created by and still ran by Greg Hermanovick who also created SideFX Software and its flagship 'Houdini' software which is one of the most used and successful visual fx softwares for the film and entertainment industry (used by the likes of Netflix, Disney, Universal Studios, etc. )

Are you starting to see how I might still have some lingering confusion and uncertainty even as I work on fixing myself?

..to make matters even more confounding I even had Isabelle Rousette (who wrote that Touchdesigner article about me in 2014 and still works for the company) reply with the following message when she first learned of my patent via fbook messenger.

"extremely impressive and practical product. it should REVOLUTIONIZE THE INDUSTRY."     Images are linked here - also attached



And that's the problem Dr. Rogstad.

I know that none of this stuff is real.. .you told me so yourself and I know you're one of the best forensic psychologists ever...I mean I knew that right away just based on our first email interaction.... So all I'm left with is what I would describe as very pronounced and persistent distortions of reality which are so vivid and clear that I'm 99.999% sure that they are memories as opposed to delusions... that's what it feels like anyways...but then again I am also entirely aware that nobody actually knows me better than you do - hence my reason for seeking your advice

One of the main substantiating points for your belief that I am 'Schizophrenic and/or possibly Psychotic" and should be committed to a psychiatric ward and placed on powerful antipsychotic drugs until I'm "well" and "competent" (at least enough so that I'm able to understand the charges against me and aid in my own defense...since I am obviously not capable of doing that at all....) was that I have these 'persecutory' delusional beliefs of having invented something so big that it's going to "revolutionize" the industry....and which I somehow believe is so big that companies like Microsoft and Netflix would actually know my name and who I am (obviously crazy...I know this because you told me so)....I like to pretend I know how to build things.....I tell people I'm an "unlicensed engineer" just to make myself feel better about how little I've actually accomplished in my life, etc, etc - and then to really top it all off you still got this website of mine www.MattGuertin.com  in which I went so far as to actually organize my delusional experiences into many different pages due to the false perception that I actually accomplished something that real people based in reality would actually care about and want to look at. I mean how crazy is that? Right?

If you have any advice which could help me to better deal with and overcome the struggle I'm experiencing as I attempt to connect to a more subdued and authentic version of 'reality' which better aligns with yours it would be very appreciated. 

What do I have to do exactly to pretend that none of the real and factual evidence I have even exists at all so I can just go along to get along and not be so abrasive?

If I were to be placed on enough powerful antipsychotic drugs for a long enough time period is there a possibility at some point that I just won't even remember any of this so it won't matter anyways? 

Or am I just overthinking this and the powerful 'anti-psychotics' you recommended will make me feel so good that I will not care about anything at all as long as I can have an extra graham cracker and juicebox during afternoon group?

You are the BEST Dr. Rogstad !  


Thank you again!


Sincerely,
Matthew Guertin


PS - I also attached proof of the  "special ops gear" which I spoke of in our meeting -  here is a link for that as well - 
Apparently it is manufactured by this company in Israel that manufactures .....wait for it...........SPECIAL OPS GEAR !    whowouldvethought !?




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